Last Thursday, all the trains toward the London suburb where I work got re-routed, delayed or cancelled because there was "a fatality in the area".
Today I read in the paper that it was indeed what most people suspected and I feared: the Surrey Herald reported that a woman was killed when she stepped off the platform into the path of an oncoming train.
My heart broke last Thursday when I suspected it was something of the sort...because quite apart from the sadness of the event itself, many of the comments I heard were things like:
- "Now I'm going to be late for work."
- "Great. My other train was cancelled and now I'm stuck on this one with standing room only."
- "I had to pay for a taxi on top of my train ticket to get to work on time."
The list goes on, but is mostly grumbling comments about the inconvenience that has been caused.
And don't get me wrong. It was an inconvenience to me as well. The journey that normally takes me about 30 minutes ended up being over 2 hours that morning. But I cried on the train, thinking of how heartless we can be sometimes. I'm confident there were many others who were thinking the same thing as me that morning...and who were saddened by it. But that there even be any of us who are so wrapped up in ourselves that our first thought is of our own inconvenience, and not of the suffering of others is a crying shame.
My heart broke again today when I learned that the victim was a 76 year old woman. How sad and lonely Ann Winnett, of West Byfleet, must have been to step off that platform. I have a very tender spot in my heart for the elderly that feels like it has grown a lot in the last couple of years. I even find myself more and more sentimental about my grandparents (and the fact that I've lost them), rather than less and less over time.
There's just so much I think we don't capture from the older ones among us. They have the wisdom of age, they have great stories, they have seen years of change and the cycles that repeat themselves in life and history through politics, in relationships and in families. And they're often the loneliest and most forgotten among us.
The other thing that a few people said to me that day was "it's just that time of year", which is admittedly a factual comment (not a grumble), but just the fact that it is a fact...that makes me sad too.
Sometimes I really do just want to cry out "Come Lord Jesus".