i'm trapped

Five weeks, one day and at least 6 hours of phone calls into the Internet-getting process, and BT still hasn't connected me to the (seemingly) ubiquitous Internet from home.

In the last week, the number of attempted phone calls to BT has escalated, as has the amount of time that I've spent on hold or explaining my situation (for the millionth time). I am so tired of spelling my full name and confirming the first line of my address and my post code that I could...well, spit (as my mom would say).

In the latest series of infuriating moments, I was told by technical support on Saturday that I needed to speak with the Order Management Helpdesk because there was a "provisioning issue" and the order had never been processed (WHAT!???). After being transferred, I spoke to those charming folks (and I use that term rather loosely), and they confirmed all was well on their end. Back to technical support I go for yet another round of technical support troubleshooting ("Can you tell me what the problem seems to be, Miss Kirpta? Is the DSL light flashing on your router...?"). I was then told that there is a "problem between the exchange and my phone line" and that they were "working on the problem right now"...and that it would be resolved within the "next 24 hours". Yeah. Sure. This is me holding my breath. So don't ask me why I've turned the color of Smurfette.

Today I decided that I'd spend my hold time between fruitless conversations with technical support a bit more productively...while I'm at work. I managed to get some weak-willed soul to hand the phone over to a supervisor who, after only 5 minutes of discussion, said that he needed to do some research on my account with the Orders Department and the Maintenance Department, and promised to call me back personally in 2 hours. The lying bastard.

Three hours after that empty promise, I called back - determined to get to the bottom of the situation - and spoke to a new person ("...K-E-P-R-T-A...4 Willows Court, and the post code is SW19 1UE"). This time, I just cut her off at the beginning of her questionnaire ("No...I'm sorry...I'm not prepared to go through that round of questions because I've done it 5 times in the last 72 hours and we're not going to make any progress going down that road.") and suggested she just put me on hold and read the notes on my account. She came back, asked to place me on hold again so she could do a tiny bit of research, and returned only to tell me that I needed to call the Order Management Helpdesk. Oh no.

As of right now, I'm no better off than I ever have been, and the last girl I spoke to flat out refused to help me any further or transfer me to a supervisor unless I call back from home so she can go through the troubleshooting questionnaire. As if I'm actually going to ever speak to her again...?

I'm so tired and frustrated that I actually feel depressed...and oppressed. How does one get so utterly trapped under the corporate customer disservice department mousewheel, and what does one do when she can't get anyone above a call center flunky on the line?

I can't WAIT to get it all resolved and working. The first call I'm going to make after I've managed to get on the Internet from home is going to be to the billing department to find out where I address invoices. Because I'm going to be sending them an invoice for all the time I've spent on the phone with them. These are hours for which I have NOTHING to show but a body full of elevated blood pressure, and I'm never going to get that time back, so the most I can hope for is some other form of compensation.