If computers are alive (and I sometimes think they are), and as they are persnickety in nature, I think it's fair to assume that computers are girls. Further to that, I also think most software is of the female persuasion.
Limiting our subject to the standard-issue Microsoft Office Suite of products (Word, Excel, PowerPoint and Access), I'd have to say every girl on the block has Excel envy.
Let's face it...Word is a helpful girl. She can get the job done reasonably well, but she gets a little hard to work with when you ask her to do things she wasn't really made to do.
PowerPoint is the popular girl on the street. Everybody wants to work with her, but her beauty really is only skin-deep. She tries...and she can really put out the charts and graphs...but when they get too complicated, she can't cut it.
Access is your girl for out-of-control productivity, but you've got to spend a LOT of quality time with her to get there.
In the end, Excel is the one everybody wants to be. She can be very simple, but if you treat her right, she can handle some of the work even Access could do.
She is all things to all people. And all the other girls know it.
because everyone keeps a record...right?
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16 comments:
Access, on the other hand, is the brainy girl who lives a street over that nobody understands. She listens to weird European music and might even smoke clove cigarettes on occaision, so the rumors go. She's the one Excel has to go to when she's stumped on her history project.
Secretly, Access harbors resentment for and feels inferior to her older sister, SQL Server.
And the word on the street (pun intended) is that Word is a bit of a floozy (Yes, I said "floozy" post-1950). She's so easy and everybody uses her.
Dovie... You are MY excel.
WAIT....Bradley has always been my favorite...he must have been talking about me! :)
I have brad ausmus blog post envy.
So many thoughts on this... Dovie, this is such a well put together analysis. I think you should write a book on it and give it a Christian spin by putting a verse to go with each one. You could top the Christian book charts in no time. Oh... and do some good along the way, of course.
tlc... your use of the word floozy is outstanding. Truly, I am laughing out loud (I refuse to use the trendy computer shorthand to convey that fact).
Todd, I'll add this topic to the list of books I hope to write someday. And I'll be sure to get Ausmus to plug it on the back cover. I'm sure he wouldn't mind the media exposure...it'll give him a perfect segway into a commentating career when his catching days have come and gone.
Oh, my sweet beloved PowerPoint. So tempting, so beguiling. Your beauty is known by all. But you reveal your deepest of mysteries only to those who pursue you with the intensity of a thousand LCD projectors ... to those who coax your strengths out of you after endless hours of gazing into your pixeled eyes. Who has the strength and determination worthy of such a pursuit? Alas, it is the professional trainer ... and I am he.
Steven, you are a regular Bill Shakespeare.
Personally I think that Mr. Ausmus has got it wrong when he says that you are his Excel, for clearly you are you are the whole Office Suite in one package and clearly not his alone...
Wow, Dovie, you are really getting around and meeting people. I shook hands with John Stott, but I doubt he would ever publish anything on my blog. Unless he had properAccess.
I really hope yer right aboot the fact that computers are girls..cause if Computers=boys & software = boys and if your personalisys (real word) of the Office suite is so dead on, then that means its actually Office "Sweet" (wink) and what I've said about microsoft all along is correct!
(run-on)
HEY! That's not very nice. Be nice to us or we will crush you with more bugs and blue screens of death!
WOW. I'm going to have a comment right next to Bill Gates!
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